Yes, you read the title correctly. Tasty is going to discuss manhood. You may be thinking is Tasty a Men's Rights Activist? No, he’s not. He is a man though (last he checked). I assume men are reading this blog predominantly. I chose to cover this topic, because I wanted to reach out to them. I write about martial arts, societal phenomena, mindset, and absurdity. I skirt around discussing manhood directly and head-on. So, without further adieu let’s delve into manhood.
Toxic Masculinity is a term tossed around by publications like the Huffington Post and the New York Times. These same publications talk of a boogeyman known as the patriarchy. The patriarchy denotes the systematic control of the world by men ( some think specifically white men). In this worldview women are the consummate victims. There is also a victimhood hierarchy in womanhood, and white women are the least oppressed on the oppression pyramid. One could write a whole book on this topic alone. I will be steering this towards a helpful quasi solution, and away from ripping on ideology.
We can learn a lot from facts. Often, facts are ignored when propaganda runs amuck. So, let’s point out some facts about men in the modern age we live in. Men commit suicide successfully four times more often than women. This statistic is pulled from the American Psychological Association. Men make up around 97.68% of combat deaths. This statistic is pulled from the Department of Defense 2008. “72.5 percent of females who recently graduated from high school were enrolled in college, versus 65.8 percent of men (compared to 1967, when 57 percent of the males and 47.2 percent of the females were in college).” This is taken from an article by Richard Whitmire, and cites information from the National Center for Education Statistics.
These are only a few examples of statistics to show that I’m interested in facts. My views don’t come from talking heads mumbling sweet nothings in my ear. I look to concrete information, and voices I can trust. Now, I also stated before that I don’t fall for Oppression Olympics. The world is complex, and variables are infinite. Women have their hardships! This is for certain. Every way you want to slice it every group and subgroup have hardship. Every person is confronted with their demons. We cannot feasibly quantify who has a shittier deal. We can’t wallow in life not being fair. It’s not fair. We need to find answers to the obstacles put in our way. We need to acknowledge the problem. Then we need to strategize. After that we work hard to implement the strategy. This doesn’t guarantee success. Remember, life isn’t fair. I look at men now, and I see a common dilemma. Men are confronted with talk of "toxic masculinity". The essence of manhood is in question. It’s absurd that the whole nature of man is being put on the chopping block. Boys are falling behind in school. More men are killing themselves. The pressure to provide, and be a family man is cumbersome. Women have pressures too. “…female fertility starts to fall off gradually around age 27 before dropping more dramatically after age 35.” Scientific American. Women need to get their life together faster than men. I truly feel for women out there. I am slowly getting it together. I have more time as a man to figure it out. My heart goes out to women trying their darndest to have it all! I know I couldn’t have done it that fast. I’ve been too much of a screw-up. I salute the women pulling it all together.
What can men do in the immediate to elevate the state of masculinity? I think community can be one element of the building blocks. I spend a good amount of time around men due to my training of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I am blessed to have a community of men of various ages and backgrounds. This is a beautiful thing.
Mens clubs aren’t trending now. It is now taboo to take pride in our masculinity. Now, manhood is toxic, and men are the root of all that is wrong (or so rubes tell us). Men have fought and died for freedom. Men are fathers, caretakers, leaders and innovators. Not all of the world’s problems fall upon the wrongdoing of men. Men are a mixed bag. You have saints and sinners. Most of us fall somewhere in between.
Community is important. People use places of prayer, sports and book clubs. There are many ways to come together. My Jiu-Jitsu gym also has female members. It isn’t exclusively male. I get to train with young men, old men, fathers and brothers. It is invaluable. For me it isn’t just about learning how to choke a man unconscious. It is about learning how to be a better man. I also get to step up to the plate, and help my fellow man. We use the discipline of Jiu-Jitsu as a way to explore bigger concepts. I get advice on how to tackle all sorts of situations. I get to help other guys figure out their lives too. We, together, are there to listen to one another. Together we figure out if there is a better way. It's invaluable to have that time together.
I recently talked to a young lady who owns a small business with her husband. She told me that she had just hired another girl. She was thrilled about it. Her workers are mainly male. She enjoys them, but wanted another woman to relate with. I understood her. It is always a pleasure to talk shop within your own sex. This should be understood, appreciated and not vilified. The Boy Scouts and The Girl Scouts exist for this very reason. We learn how to operate our own vehicle by others who operate the same.
Men and women are different. We’re an amazing team that got through the Ice Age, great floods, famine and plague together. We are still different though. Men need occasions to be around each other without distraction. Women benefit from their time together, and it isn’t criticized. Men deserve the same understanding. Life is tough. It’s tough if you’re a woman or a man. We all have our own unquantifiable obstacles.
So, in closing: Give your bro a big bro hug. Establish a community. Be helpful to your group, and ask for help when you need it. Don’t let people poison your mind with talk of "toxic masculinity". There’s nothing toxic about masculinity. The only thing toxic is identity politics. We’ve evolved past our cave dwelling days. Our tribes now transcend. Our tribes are made up of hearts and minds. Have heart to hearts with your brothers, and help each other be better men.