I have your life in my hands, and you have mine in yours. That’s the deal we make when we put it to the test on the mats. I can’t be certain of the way I was in my 20’s. I’m not sure if I was a good partner or not. I know I got knuckles in my neck, an elbow against my nose and turned into paste on the regular (especially as a white belt). So, chances are I may have been a bit of a spaz, and needed the painful education. There is the possibility that I rolled with jerks that had no concern for my wellbeing. The possibility most likely is somewhere in between.
I also remember when I was in my early 20’s, and I decided to take up boxing (in Miami). The ring coaches told us that when we punched to be conscious of our output. If we punched hard then the opponent or partner would punch harder. If you didn’t want to get punched hard then you needed to indicate that by stifling your own power first. It didn’t mean that you ceased implementing technique. It just meant that you focused on making sure your partner was able to show up tomorrow.
The deal is that training is training. It is never a fight. One never wins anything in sparring by besting their partner with superior technique. Both parties are privy to the spoils of practice. When we ignore the deal we made to each other is when things go wrong (and fast they do). I’ve been the recipient of a bad partner, and I know I’ve also been a bad partner. I’m older now, and I’ve had a good amount of experience. I’ve experienced winning, losing, losing my way and getting back on the right path.
All of the good and bad are what journeys are made of. So, I look at my path on the mats. I don’t just keep it to the mats though. What would Kano do? He’d apply what he leaned in the art to his life. Otherwise, what’s the point of spending so much time in this endeavor? I’ve barely made any money competing (in fact, I’ve mainly spent money). I did win seventy-five dollars once in my Fight2Win! I did end up almost having my bicep torn off my bone… seventy-five dollars was pretty sweet though.
We’re all many things. We’re physical, mental and spiritual beings. I do know some vapid basic people, but that doesn’t mean they still aren’t directed in a multitude of ways. Every aspect of life needs to be regarded with intention. We need to look at ourselves as well as the world, and question it all.
The same way we have to question our own conduct on the mats is the same way we need to question ourselves in the private sector. Our work is important; we sustain our lives with it. Sometimes I wish I could live without people. I often think of the movie Castaway, and fanaticize about moving alone on an island away from everyone and everything. Then I remember the plot of the movie, and how terrifying it was to be in that very situation. The man lost his marbles, and mourned the loss of a volleyball he named, Wilson! So, that’s not a practical fantasy to act out. Whether we like it or not we’re pack animals. We can’t really function completely on our own. We are all responsible for each other.
I’ve worked with all kinds in the foodservice industry. I trained with various people in various forms of marital arts. I see a common through line. We are a collective. Compromises must be made.
I think it’s good to be self-interested. We can take the world in, and weigh ourselves by it. Human beings do work on binary. We have male and female; we have light and dark; we have hot and cold. We operate by comparing ourselves to the whole of existence. This doesn’t mean we need to work to inflate our egos up like bicycle tires. We can figure out how to improve if we note the interactions and stimuli.
If somebody messes with you, offends you or makes you take note then it’s a time to assess. I remember the time I had a partner dig his knuckles into my neck with a no gi submission (only it was executed poorly). I had to tap due to sheer force. I was annoyed with the partner for gooning me, but that was then. Years that have passed since then; now, I wonder if I did anything to instigate it. I’m not saying I undoubtedly deserved it, but maybe I asked for it. I’ll never know for sure. It isn’t good to doubt everything all the time. We need to move forward and have a finite amount of time to do so. Sometimes it’s worthwhile to reassess if we asked for that knuckle sandwich. Also, think of it this way: if you are around to question the validity of earning the knuckle sandwich then maybe, just maybe, it was worthwhile (because you’re still here to question it).