I am doing battle with my ego, purpose and philosophy. My ego is delicate, but you already knew that. I have a purpose, but it isn't something I could put into a box. My philosophy is challenged, because I feel myself sinking into a sort of nihilism at times. My ego insists I continue to write and draw; I also need to put these things out into the world, thus this blog and my Instagram. My purpose is always in flux as I veer towards a more concrete path now that I'm a couple years into my thirties. I feel like I want to protect myself from the all too regular encounter with failure.
This is the indicator of my default mode. My default mode is fear. I wish to push past fear in order to conquer it, and at the same time do battle with what is. I remember a Star Trek movie (it may have been the first one featuring Next Gen). Captain Picard has a conversation with Whoopie Goldberg. He tells her that he used to fear death, but later he learned to see it as a close friend. Death was a constant reminder to not take things for granted, gain perspective and be in the moment. So, I view fear similarly. Fear is like smoke pointing the way to the fire I have to put out. Everybody is sent to different directions in order to put the fire out. My smoke has something to do with writing, drawing and fighting. I can't tell you why that is, but I can tell you that I need to endure. I will continue to suffer in failure; I cannot give up; I will not slide into nihilism.
You will have more to see from me. So, enjoy the moment. Take your selfies and post some inspirational quote while you're at it.