I have an idea of self. It's a composite of identities, roles, time, and memories. I believe I know how/why I am here at my computer screen writing this little piece. I think I understand the macro of the technological age, my adolescence, the political climate, and cultural values. I am here grappling, typing, and drawing as a way to get my foothold in reality. I juggle both the subjectivity of it all with the concrete aspect of an objective truth. I grow fatter, and my clothes shrink. I get skinnier, and my clothes expand. My own body influences my thoughts, and my thoughts frame the way I see the world. It's an ever shifting gestalt that's always becoming a new genre. I feel like I'm lucky enough in life to call it a comedy. For many around the world, it's a horribly sad tragedy.
So, if that didn't bore, and/or annoy you... I'll get to the bigger aspect of what I'm getting at with the journey of the self. I see two ways to go about this. It's the "Eat, Pray, Love" indulgence, or it's the hero's journey for service. At what point does self improvement become masturbation? I find this can be handled in a pragmatic human lens. I will refrain from getting lofty, and metaphysical about it.
Self improvement is not about narcism or hedonism, but often it's co-opted for that. I don't find it inherently wrong, but it's empty. To build bigger biceps, learn some impressive factoids, or figure out the game of chess is nothing of utility. It only becomes of use when it is employed for service.
What are the bigger biceps important for if not to protect loved ones? What's the important use in factoids if not to assist in governing (even on the neighborhood level)? What is the use for the game of chess if not to deal with humility, and then apply it to family?
There is a Jewish rational about why we are here. We are here to spread light to dark. What does that mean? It means that we are here to be of service. We act where there is need. We use our skill sets, that we developed, to create order from chaos. It's a never-ending process, but one I wouldn't call futile. We are here on this journey to be of service.
I often think of the digital age as antihuman. The predominance of our history has been analog. It has been biological. Now, it's beyond physical, but not transcendent. It's a realm that is counter to the way in which we were created. Everybody wears a digital skin, and most of our relating happens without the flesh. This is problematic based upon it being so new, and also counter to how we've evolved. There is an idea of me, and everybody would have another way to frame me. I'm probably a total composite of all of these opinions. It may also be possible that I'm ever changing, and this reality can't really contain a human being. So, we're illusory figures at best. We're also the stories we tell ourselves, because stories carry weight, and that's our history from our cave dwelling days.
I just went to my local coffee shop today. I saw friends, debated, cheered, and become restored by all of it as a human being. I removed my digital skin to get reacquainted with my human flesh, and it was good.