I am an observer of people. I've always been a student of the human condition, and it is something that I haven't been able to shake. I've drawn people, done impressions of them, and even tried to imagine being them. I don't know how many people look at people the way I do, but I can't change it. I was a lousy student, and always distracted by my inner monologue. I think you may call this ADD, but I think I am focused in my chain of thought. I don't think it's completely random. It is both an asset, and a burden to process differently. The systems at large want to instill order. The order is a call for conformity, because it is more efficient. Efficiency is about controlling chaos.
I felt an underlying anxiety about school, and performance. I was barely getting by, and almost had to stay back in 8th grade. To this day, I have a recurring dream where I didn't graduate high school, and have to go back as a thirty something. I hate that dream.
I think it represents the feeling of being behind my peer group; like I was stunted in my development, and have to complete things that I left undone. It is a heavy weight that I carry in my subconscious, and I know that all people carry their own baggage. This is what I've observed since I was in grade school. People put on a happy face, but they still have things that they deal with.
I know I always felt different, but I don't think that's an anomaly. Human beings have a consciousness, and that makes us self aware. We're all so different, but we have to work together. I resent the proposition, but there is no choice. We have to share resources, and live in a shared habitat. I see public education often at odds with educating youth. It seems they are really there to process obedient little automatons. I don't even completely fault them for it, because I see that order is not always a bad thing.
I battle with wanting to conform to some idea of what I think others would want, but I'm also a defiant prick (and cannot). Thus, you've seen my art, and maybe you've read my book or a few writings. I made the decision from day one to daydream. Dreams are not of this world, and this world frustrates me. That's the journey though; school, mainstream media, and the establishment want to project a vision of their dream. Don't take someone else's dream, unless you've deeply observed the dreamer. Don't even take my word for it. My ideas are heavy, but as real as any time I put pencil to paper.